OBSTACLES
Obstacles. We spend our
lives fighting them, overcoming them, getting around them, or making
excuses for being stopped by them. How much of all this energy is
spent tilting at windmills? Something, certainly, stops us from
attaining what we wish and being what we could be; but is it what-or
where-we think it is?
Opposition and challenge from the outside evidently stimulate us
to do battle, exercise and train us, develop our muscles and our
patience. They play Marpa to our Milarepa, if there is any Milarepa
in us at all. They help rather than hinder. But there is something
inside everyone that resists help-a coward shadow that dogs the
heels of our potential hero. This is the real obstacle, and it is
very close to home; we have met the enemy; as Pogo says, and he
is us.
For many years I have been drawn to the question and the extraordinary
potential of obstacles. Hindrance and possibility, force and resistance,
I cannot and I would, are what we are made of, from little boys
and little girls to big ones. And the capacity to reconcile that
inner conflict - over and over again, perhaps, in a gradual process
of creating a more mature and balanced whole-is the exclusively
human characteristic; it is what differentiates us from the animals.
We know in our bones that the final glory; the ultimate achievement,
of the human being is to master himself. This does not have to mean
that he is successful in "overcoming" all those outer barriers,
nor that he becomes a saint who eliminates every trace of the natural
mortal. One who masters himself is in charge of what he is. He has
brought about a relation between the animal and the divine in him,
through which the animal is cared for and the divine is served.
And this means, sometimes, the apparent absence of struggle: the
huge, often invisible effort of acceptance of what one cannot change.
No aspect of the battle for self-mastery is harder than this one
of renouncing one's natural "rights" and desires, to find what lies
beyond them, an inner peace. For when the higher will conquers the
lower, the result appears to be a joyful freedom from both victory
and defeat. "To be victorious and to be defeated are equal." says
don Juan. "Everything is filled to the brim and everything is equal
and my struggle was worth my while."
Such freedom must be costly and painful to acquire, and we put off
the attempt to gain it as long as possible-usually until it is too
late. But we know it is our real destiny, and that we are capable
of achieving it. ("You could free me if you would," says the enchanted
princess to the man in the fairy tale.) And when we are aware of
someone else engaged in this struggle, we recognize it with a kind
of leap of the heart. Another person fights our battle with us and
for us; we are allies.
No matter how bravely one may face the outer foe, the true nobility
of the warrior is in how he faces himself. Any animal will fight
for its physical life and need, but only a human being can fight
for his soul.
Dorothy M. Dooling
from her book THE SPIRIT OF QUEST
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