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 The
Hero's JourneyA Call to Adventure Into the Deep Woods of the Heart. The hero's journey provides a roadmap, an ancient mythic tale of personal transformation, an "old story" that appears to have lost its luster and meaning in the trappings of American life. by Michael Mervosh There is something incredibly compelling about heroes. Who among us has not been captured by some fairy tale or cartoon caricature of a hero, from Robin Hood to Popeye? Reaching back into the farthest shadowy corners of my childhood memories, I have retrieved an early remembrance of my first real hero. I can remember most vividly one cold, winter day when I was four years old. After a long and heavy snowfall, my mother bundled me from head to toe in a dark blue hat and snowsuit, and my father took me sled riding down the snow covered yellowbrick street in front of our house. I laid flat on his back as stretched himself across the wood slats and maneuvered the arms of my sled with his gloved hands. Heading down the steep hill, I can remember once again the exhilaration of riding on top of my father's back, holding on to him as if my life depended on it. And in a sense, it did. I felt fearless and joyfully alive and safe - trusting my well being completely to this larger than life sized man. We sledded down our street over and over again, each time my father pulling me back up the hill while I sat silently on the sled. We did this until the street lights finally came on, and my mother called us home for dinner. I was oblivious to my cold, wet feet and finger tips, runny nose and chattering teeth. It seemed like such a small price to pay. I was caught in the rapture of something larger than myself - feeling special to the one I admired. And I felt far bigger than a tiny, fragile four year old boy that evening as we returned triumphantly home. I had created my first hero - the tall, strong, distant one I called "father." What is a hero? How do we create them? What must one do to become a hero? Is there a certain test or challenge to be taken before we can become one? Can only certain people be heroes? Why would we want to be one, anyway? What happens to those who don't become heroes? Or is every person a hero-in-the-making, including you and I? Perhaps the truth is indeed that each and every one of us is a potential hero waiting to happen, and that the world around us is the training ground for those who choose to explore this role for themselves. Why become a hero? If for no other reason, this world is in desperate need of our heroism today. We lack individuals willing and able to cast beams of light towards the shore for those of us who are adrift in confusion, doubt and despair. We need guides and role models in these times of chaos, confusion, fragmentation and disintegration. But for me, Dorothy Dooling speaks to the heart of the matter: "We are not here on earth by accident but for a purpose...A human being is born to set out on this quest, one's own quest, like a knight of Arthur's court... how terrible to think of not being the hero of one's own life; this is the role for which each of us is cast, no matter how unsuccessfully we play it." So, if we choose to explore the role of hero, how do we find our way? What is the journey that must be taken? What price is to be paid? What sacrifices are required? If there is treasure to be found, where does it lie, and how do we get there? The hero's journey provides us with such a roadmap, an ancient mythic tale of personal transformation, an "old story" that appears to have lost its luster and meaning in the trappings of American life. This journey is the story of the spiritual quest - the quest to discover the true self, the treasure that is who you really are. This is the Holy Grail that remains buried deep within the unconscious of the self, waiting to be unearthed. What is required is a commitment to a spiritual path of transformation through the timeless cycle of going out and returning: a leave taking, fulfillment, homecoming process. Joseph Campbell wrote extensively of this process fifty years ago in his book "Hero of a Thousand Faces." He speaks of the basic motif of the universal hero's journey - leaving one condition and finding the source of life that brings your forth into a richer or more mature condition. For the sake of semantics, I am going to use the term "hero" to include both sexes, although I recognize that significant differences between the hero's and the heroine's journey may be overlooked in doing so. I am combining the masculine journey of "going upward and outward" with the feminine journey of "going downward and inward" when I speak of the hero's journey. Of course, women and men alike experience the masculine seeking out as well as the feminine descent into the void as they go through the process of spiritual transformation. Thus, when I speak of the hero, I am speaking of both women and men in this role, and have incorporated various elements of the heroine's receptivity and fertility under the umbrella of the hero's journey. Essentially, the path towards individuation and wholeness requires each of us to discover and balance our masculine and feminine aspects of the self. In reference to "the journey," the main reason for this article is to emphasize the fact that we are all on the journey anyway, regardless of whether we are aware of it or not. A failure to recognize this basic reality can often result in the perception that life is endlessly "doing it to us". Through awakening, you will see that the journey plays itself on various micro levels of our life, in addition to the overall thematic macro level. Roselle Angwin speaks to this in her book Riding the Dragon: "On a minor level, many of us repeat this journey at different times in our lives in different circumstances with cycles of varying intensity and importance. Others may only be able to identify one major call to adventure and return, a decisive once and for all journey, perhaps taken at adolescence, perhaps at mid-life. It is also possible that several cycles run simultaneously in one's life in different areas."3 With that, I invite you to step into the reflective space which is the inner life of the spiritual pilgrim, as we walk along the various stages of adventure and growth that fosters the makings of a hero. The story begins in the everyday, business-as-usual world of adult life as we typically know it: the linear world of appointments, deadlines, loan payments, TV remotes, microwave popcorn, holiday sale spectaculars, cellular phones, and what was supposed to have been done by yesterday... THE INNOCENCE "The breezes at dawn has secrets to tell you, Don't go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don't go back to sleep."- Rumi The innocence represents both the time of youth and the naivete that can be so endearing and yet so dangerous to us when we walk out into the world in this smiling, wide eyed manner. We are still in our own Garden of Eden, and everything is beautiful and good. But we are still "asleep," walking through life unaware. We see life in oversimplified terms. We have absolutely no interest in the notion of struggle. and we aim for convenience and the security of routines. We are entranced by the "comforts of home:" we want mom to make dinner, dad to fix whatever is broken, the home team to win, hot chocolate after the snowman is made, and the dog to lick our face and play fetch. It's really quite a nice existence. There's just one catch - life is not going to remain this way. We begin to have the sense that the clothes we are wearing no longer seem to fit us, yet we keep pulling and tugging on the end of them. Who wants to leave Eden? From the spiritual perspective, we must face our bias towards innocence as if it is an end in itself. We all seem to be trying to get back to it. We dream of greatness, but we have no real experience of it yet. Being innocent also means being "untested," and something that remains untested lacks stability and strength. It's not going to get us through the long haul. Thus, life begins to step in and interrupt our dream world, through some subtle inner rumblings or by a seismic smashing that tears us from this stage once and for all. I remember one such "seismic smash" that hit my world of innocence and naivete like a meteor slamming into the earth. In 1986 I had turned 27, and I was in my first year of an administrative position in a drug and alcohol treatment program. "Codependency" was in. I received a brochure about a "professional codependency training for D & A professionals." Feeling emotionally entangled in the usual dysfunction typical of many organizations, I asked my boss to send me away "to get trained" for four days. To my surprise, she agreed, and off on my naive little adventure I went. The program was beginning as we arrived, and there were 40 of us gathered in a large room in a retreat center nestled into the mountains. I joined in with a friendly looking, jovial corner of the room. I then noticed that only our little corner was jovial, and the rest of the room looked and felt pretty grim. How odd, I thought. Then in came Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, and she welcomed us to her codependency treatment program. I was sure I had misheard her. Treatment program? Nah, it couldn't be - how could I have overlooked that little detail? I was here for training; I didn't need any treatment. I was stunned! Excuse me, can I get off this train? We were told that Sharon was going to lead us through an intensive psychodrama called a family restoration, and a man named Ed was going to be the "star" for it. Well, thank God it's Ed, and not me, I said to myself. My belly took a turn for the worse when Ed ended up as my roommate that night. I had a real uneasy feeling now, which I now can identify as dread. As I went to sleep that night something told me my life was about to go into major upheaval. The next day, Ed asked me to role play his inner child throughout the whole psychodrama. This meant I was to feel and reflect to him all his (my) emotions as he ( I ) re-experienced a series of traumatic events in his (my) life. In one day, the doors to my inner life were blown open. For the first time in my life, I was immersed in a deep and profound sense of grief and loss. It was for me, as the Don Henley song goes, the end of the innocence. THE CALL TO ADVENTURE "This thing we tell of can never be found by seeking, but only seekers find it."- Abu Yazid Al-Bistami For so many of us, there comes a time when the innocence is no longer enough, and we begin to awaken to an inner stirring that says we want more. For some of us, this is a slow, subtle and deliberate process that appears to be in contradiction to the harmony of the everyday world around us. "I should be happy with what I have now" is the familiar incantation, which translated means "I am not happy now." But underlying all the verbal jousting, an awareness develops that something is missing for the hero, and a hunger emerges to go beyond the ordinary. For others, the call comes in a more dramatic fashion, usually involving a significant upset of the status quo in one's life: being laid off, an affair, an illness, a death. These are "wake up calls" to start paying attention to the inner voice that wants to speak. But this is no easy accomplishment. Roselle Angwin speaks directly to this challenge: "It is not always easy to hear the voice from the center, let alone heed it - our lives are usually too busy, too cluttered, even to let the voice in, let alone find the space to re-arrange our schedules to do something about it. More often than not, it will be an external crisis that forces us to stop and take notice, usually when it becomes too painful to carry on as we have been." In my early thirties I became aware of such a hunger for something more in my life. had been in therapy, support groups and training programs for a number of years. Things on the outside looked good, but inside something was not right. I began to struggle in my marriage. A subtle, underground current of uneasiness was vibrating through me. Something was calling me, but I had no idea what it was or where it was calling me. By now I had learned to listen to these calls (having no more desire to be smashed awake), and I began to search. It is here that the first essential quality of the hero must be honed - discernment. Again, Dorothy Dooling: "Even before courage we need a keen eye and a keen nose...the capacity not to be fooled (is) the hero's first requisite. So a constant watchfulness is needed, (and) a certain skepticism..." simply stayed awake to the call and kept a watchful eye as I tasted new teachings, workshops, books, noticing what effect they had on my inner life. I had not yet felt the leap in my heart that tells me "here is the way home." Impatience and doubt began to fester. Then one day I was having lunch with my friend Paul, who told me about a wilderness experience he'd done in the Adirondack Mountains. As he spoke, I had the leaping heart! I immediately knew this was my next step, and that summer my friend Will and I left home in search of further vision and purpose for our lives. ANSWERING THE CALL / BEGINNING THE JOURNEY "The moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise occur...whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it." - Goethe It is here that many refuse to trek further - they have had a fresh, new insight into their discontent, and they swat it away like an annoying fly. Others disperse this uncomfortable energy by talking about it incessantly, so they never gather and hold the energy to do anything about it. For me, being asleep can hold quite an appeal - it requires absolutely nothing from me. But saying 'yes' to the call is an invocation that can connect you to all those who have gone before you. Opportunities and circumstances seem to open in a most serendipitous unfolding. One may begin to feel a subtle connection to life in a way that is out of the ordinary - this can be as simple as noticing the way wind blows through the trees, or noticing the timing of phone calls and chance meetings. Note how this played out in the Celestine Prophecy. At this point, the hero faces his first demon - fear of commitment. Saying 'yes' to the journey can scare the shit out of you, and this is exactly why so many turn back here. You feel like you are reeling out of control - because in many ways you are. The steering wheel has come off the vehicle, and any illusions that you are running the show are shattered. Say hello to life the way it really is. This is quite sobering. In answering the call to "leave home," we must step into the chilly, uncertain waters of the unknown, and enter into the arena of risk. A fundamental skill that the hero needs to develop here is grounding. One most immediate and literal way involves a combination form of yoga and visualization. This is done by widening your stance, as if sitting on a horse, and bending your knees while keeping your back and spine straight. Try it. Take your shoes off and imagine that your feet are like an eagle's claws, and the ground is the tree branch. Feel yourself take hold of the branch, and sink down. Once planted in this way, like tree roots, you can begin to experience the sense of energetic nourishment that rises up through your legs and body like an Artesian well. You will become quite warm, and your legs may vibrate. Knowing how to firmly planted in the ground will come in very handy when the terrain becomes rocky and unstable. Another form is groundwork, or doing the necessary preparation, before any departure. Attention to details, repeated practice, guidance, and developing a focus are all important components of groundwork. Nothing is more essential to the process than developing the ground into which you will place the seeds of your inspiration and vision! A proper foundation is absolutely essential for a stable structure. Poor ground, poor yield; fertile soil, rich harvest. This basic truth is reflected to us from the Three Little Pigs to the scriptural passages about building your house on sand or rock. I learned the importance of "ground school" when I decided to become a recreational pilot. I decided I would learn to fly as a rather interesting and unconventional way to work through some old fears of "falling." In my eagerness to "fly," I ran quickly through the first ground school lesson, and I took off on my first flight in marginal weather conditions - not good timing here. It was drizzling and bumpy, and I was made painfully aware that I was not prepared for this flight. I froze up in fear, and my vision was riveted to the instrument panel instead of the outside air traffic. This is not only dangerous, but it brings on nausea as well. I went to bed for four hours after this twenty minute flight, and considered never flying again. But I had learned my lesson. It was a great teaching to me that being able to soar through life and land without crashing is only achieved through when one is adequately prepared and grounded. The basic rule-of-thumb of flying is "it is better to be on ground wishing you were in the air, than to be in the air wishing you were on the ground." The hero must learn to harness her eagerness so that her inspiration can serve her; otherwise setting out too quickly increases the likelihood of an aborted mission. CROSSING THE THRESHOLD / ENTERING THE FOREST "Stand still - the trees ahead and bushes beside you are not lost.Wherever you are is called "here"... the forest knows where you are. You must let it find you." - David Wagonner At this stage along the journey, the maturing process begins, and it's often not a pretty picture. Like an adolescent experiencing his first bout with acne, we become painfully aware of our true vulnerability and powerlessness. The romantic, idealized notions of adventure and far off lands dies quickly here. The "idea" of a journey now seems ridiculous, and the reality becomes jarring. We tend to speak less freely about this portion of the adventure, because this portion of the journey is most humbling and embarrassing. Here we feel ugly, worthless, confused, weak. Lost! But it is inevitable that the hero enter into the forest at its darkest and most wooded place. The aim at this point is disorientation, the more, the better. Becoming "lost" is an essential part of the hero's journey. It's sort of like an organized nervous breakdown. David Whtye summarizes it well: "In this high place, it's as simple as this: Leave everything you know behind." Sincere questioning begins. Am I really up to my destiny? Who cares about destiny anyway? Can somebody please remind me once again why the hell I am doing this? Everything feels very dark and close to your face, and nothing is very clear. All those things that worked to pull you out of your funks and dark holes in the past are worthless here. No self help cliches or affirmations give any comfort. I am reminded of few lines from D.H. Lawrence: "I am in the hands of the unknown God, He is breaking me down to His own oblivion." Here, you have only yourself, your faith, your lack of faith, and all that has been stalking you. These first waves of tests have to do with developing one's ability to tolerate uncertainty, a willingness to go with not knowing, and then wrestling with whatever comes up in you when you don't know who you are. Here, it is essential that the hero master his next skill - patience. So the hero must be willing to live for a while on this lively and often uncomfortable edge of knowing/not knowing. A willingness to enter into the dark void of the unknown, the fertile womb of chaos, always seems to give birth to the next knowing. Many clients will inevitably ask me, "How much longer do I have to stay in this uncertainty?" The answer always seems to be "until shortly after you are willing to stop asking that question". In other words, soon after we accept not knowing. From the perspective of spiritual growth, in being adrift, the hero is having a perfect beginning for the process of transformation. Being lost is just what is needed in order to properly prepare the hero for the experience of being found. SACRIFICE AND INITIATION "And so long as you haven't experienced this: to die and so to grow, you are only a troubled guest on the dark earth."- Goethe Initiation is a powerful event that catapults the hero into a new and radically different state of being. The trials and tests placed upon the hero create a crucible that will forge and shape the hero's character and vision. There will be no reward without the risk, no treasure unearthed without exacting the necessary price. This goes against the grain of cheaply achieved bliss, which has no staying power. Refusing to make a sacrifice only seems to up the price the hero must pay. These trials are intended and designed to see to it that the hero is really a hero. Is she really a match for this task? Does this hero truly have heart? Sometimes, the trials reveal themselves in the most unexpected ways. I am reminded of just such a trial when I went into the Adirondack Mountains with 17 other men for 11 days, seeking new vision. I was filled with the spirit of adventure and excitement in this new world. Then in time I had met my unanticipated but worthy opponents, a one-two punch that dropped my to my knees: being continuously damp and sticky, and being the constant feast-of-the-day for the backwoods mosquito population. Ah, the most primitive battle - loss of physical comforts. "Low blow, no fair, bad form!" This reaction is a sure indication that a demon is present and must be faced. After all, monsters don't play by the rules, or else they wouldn't be monsters. But such little, bitty ones! These tiny, buzzing warriors were relentless! They bit through multiple layers of my clothing, and were unfazed by various repellents, even the Deet that made my skin burn and smell like kerosene. I swore they had a subtle, high pitched laugh as they swarmed and poked holes in me. I was miserable, bloody, and itchy. The desire for spiritual enlightenment was of no interest now, survival holding the primary appeal. David Whyte speaks of bedbugs while on one of his adventures: "Strange heads and many legs! Sharp and searching horns for human hair! At times like this we abandon our search for meaning..." I was decisively defeated, and the child in me longed for a hot shower and skin that was free of swelling and scratch marks. This went on for days, with my only consolation being I was not turning back. I was most humbled. My ego had prepared me to have some deep, esoteric spiritual battle, you know, perhaps some anguish about some unhealthy belief system that was nagging at me and limiting my life potential. No, my first opponents were into "primal nagging," and showed no interest in a dignified dual. Go figure. "He who stays where he is endures." I began to understand Lao Tzu's tribute to perseverance when a surrendering finally happened for me after days of feeling tormented by constant sweat, dampness and bites: it simply didn't matter anymore. It just didn't matter! This was astounding to me, really. I had passed a threshold point and somehow was on the other side. A strange inner confidence and acceptance had come over me. I still was damp, my body smelled more than ever, and the mosquitoes still bit me. But not nearly as much as before, when I resisted them so intently. And then it became clear to me that my relationship to fear had been altered. Both my fear of the unknown and my disowned, repressed fears held deep in my body were being released. Later, a friend mentioned that the mosquitoes were most dedicated to the task of calling this fear up to be transformed. The bottom line here is that a death needs to take place within the hero. Something must die in order to make room for the new life which is to come. A sacrifice of great significance must be made by the hero. Often what must die inside is something that we may have been unknowingly holding onto dearly for quite a long time, and we are refusing to give it up. Yet the hero can only experience an unconditional affirmation and flow of life once (s)he has accepted death as an aspect of life, and not something that is contrary to it. Joseph Campbell says it succinctly when he says "The cardinal initiation of every heroic adventure is fearlessness and achievement. The conquest of fear yields the courage of life."6 FACING THE DRAGON / ENTERING THE BELLY OF THE BEAST "Revelation must be terrible, with no time left to say goodbye... No one is even interested is saving you now."- David Whyte Sometimes, the hero must face a supreme ordeal or monumental challenge, which changes the hero on a fundamental level, and (s)he will never be the same again. Not everyone faces or chooses such an ordeal, but when one does it is a most unforgettable moment. Thus, another essential quality of the hero is courage, which involves mastering the emotion of fear, rather than becoming immobilized by it. As Robert Bly says in his book Iron John, when entering the belly of the beast, "If you are not terrified, you are not there yet." When working with people who are seeking to slay some dragon, it is very apparent to me the individuals who have not yet actually "faced the dragon." They are the ones most eager to "get on with it." They are quite anxious to run into the lion's den. Note that they will also be the ones who run back home the quickest. Once you have stared into the face of the dragon and felt its hot breath expose all your vulnerabilities, your eagerness gets tempered quite a bit. It is important to have a proper respect for the size of the beast in order to come out safely on the other side of it. It is also essential to gather all the necessary supports in order to be sustained through the test. A ritual elder, a mentor, a therapist, a few good friends, a support group or some other formalized "vessel" must be in place to help hold and guide you through the most intense and boiling phase of the transformation process. These external supports become a life line that secures you while you plunge into the deepest and darkest depths of the self. The hero is required to place great faith in these others who help him through the belly. Here, the hero learns how to stay inside the boiling water and stay alive. The "belly" is also the dark place where digestion takes place, and new energy is created. The "beast," which has been dominating the individual, is gradually overcome and loses power. It is through this crucible that one is transformed into a flavor that attracts the Divine Love. A few lines from one of my favorite Rumi poems says it well: "A chickpea leaps almost over the rim of the pot where it is being boiled. '"Why are you doing this to me?" The cook knocks it back down with the ladle. "Don't you try to jump out. You think I'm torturing you. But I'm giving you flavor." During my Vision Quest, we relied heavily on the guides and the ritual elder to properly prepare us for our vision. We were all to spend three days and nights alone in the back mountain woods, some of us fasting throughout this time. We prepared with heart to heart talks, movement and dance, dreamwork, rituals of sacrifice, drumming, a sweat lodge and silence. Entering the belly of the beast was treated with much reverence and respect. All this preparation came in handy when it got to be the second day of the "desert time," when every internal demon I still held onto came looking for me. My chickpeas were in the pot! Fasting alone in the high mountain peaks, with only my tent and my journal, there were no distractions of any kind - I mean none! Run? To what? Hide? Where? I was barraged by fear, inadequacy, loneliness and despair. It rained incessantly, and the sky was so dark I couldn't tell day from night. I took short naps and began to lose track of how many days had passed. My dream states were running into my waking states, and I thought I was losing it. I was losing "it" - all the ways I knew to be me up to that point. I laid down in my tent, listened to the cold rain, and felt like I was dying. This level of surrender was awful. I thought, next year I'll try a tourist vacation. This was the longest day of my life! "When we get out of the glass bottles of our ego, and when we escape like squirrels turning in the cages of our personality, and we get into the forests again, we shall shiver with cold and fright but things will happen to us so that we don't know ourselves. Cool, unlying life will rush in, and passion will make our bodies taut with power, we shall stamp our feet with new power and old things will fall down, we shall laugh, and institutions will curl up like burnt paper."- D.H. Lawrence The next morning, I was greeted by a glorious sunrise. God, the sun felt so good on my face! I seemed to be filled with a freshness and renewed energy, and a deep excitement welled in me. I somehow had washed ashore. I felt strong, confident, silently joyful. Was this real? How could this be? Only yesterday, I felt as dark and as weak and as ugly as ever. Strange process. Upon returning from the mountain solitude, I was embraced by my guides and brothers. I would never have been able to wade through the depths of my own dark places without the people and the structures to hold me. That day, smiles never warmed me more, food never tasted so good, and I was never so grateful to be alive. My Vision Quest experience laid the ground for me to "face a dragon" in my everyday as usual world - taking the psychology licensing examination this past April. Talk about a supreme ordeal! I was so overwhelmed and immobilized just by the application process that it took me two years to apply! I was amazed when I got accepted to sit for the exam. I looked ahead at the next four months of my life: there was no way that I could see myself with enough resources to work full time, help raise my four year old daughter, fulfill the study demands of my post graduate training school, study for the exam, and also have a life. This was a big dragon for me! At the very pit of my fear was my fear of failure. I believed that I would be incredibly depressed if I tortured myself studying for four months and failed. All that for nothing! I could never endure anything like that ever again! This qualifies as fear based, catastrophic thinking, no? At least I knew that just because I could see no way possible to pull this ordeal off, that was no reason not to do it anyway. I had enough prior experiences to trust the process once I committed to it. ALLIES / SYNCHRONICITY "You know, the jackass doesn't have much sensibility. But even he gains spirit from the company of his own kind. But when the jackass crosses the desert alone, how many more blows it takes to get him there. Now, this is what this poem says to you: If you're not a jackass, don't cross the desert alone!"- Rumi Here is another important phase that in actuality occurs all throughout the hero's journey. The notion of assistance is amazing to all of overly self reliant folks! As the hero journeys, (s)he receives support and alliances in a manner inconceivable prior to the journey. The hero is required to develop the feminine qualities of receiving and allowing. I began asking for help wherever I could get it. My mother, sister and close friends provided me with meals; I didn't have to cook once in the four months of studying. (Boy, do I miss that perk!) People took care of life's details such as errands, and my family helped out with caring for my daughter. I took a prep course, and had numerous people praying for me. I was provided with a suite in a convent where I studied with no distractions. Then the inner transformation began to take place: I no longer resisted dreaded topics like inferential statistics, and I now became interested in learning them! A focus and intensity developed; I actually began to get energy from it. Then one day I became aware that the fear of failing had left me, and it no longer mattered if I passed the test or not. It was gone! It struck me that I had already passed the real test - self acceptance no matter the outcome. I was deeply contented by the realization that I really did have allies who could rally in a big way for me when I needed them. Passing the licensing exam took on a new perspective, and I relaxed. There was no more fear. I was no longer concerned about taking the exam, or receiving the results. If I had to choose between my allies and a license, there was no question which meant more to me. I also happened to pass the exam, which felt like a side effect of the larger learning process. I also can't speak enough about the potency and wizardry of synchronicity, which I would define as life's uncanny willingness to support the true purpose of your journey, once you've committed to it. Chance encounters with people, books, music, nature, etc., become incredibly synchronized to your needs. At the end of a four day workshop on energy and healing, we were guided into a meditation to ask for a sign that would serve as a confirmation that we were traveling our true path. I was about to make a decision as to whether or not I would attend the four year Barbara Brennan School of Healing in New York, a huge commitment. We were to take the first image that came to mind after asking for a confirmation; the image I had was that of a hawk. Okay, so what? Being the skeptic that I am, I then asked for a sign on my ride home from the workshop that I was on the right path. Within twenty minutes, directly overhead of our car was not one hawk, but a dozen. "Alright, already, you don't have to hit me with a two by four." To this day, the hawk appears whenever I am in need of confirmation concerning my purpose and path. One of my dearest spiritual companions, not knowing the secret symbol of the hawk for me, sent me a hawk feather to support me in writing this article. TIME OF BLESSINGS / CELEBRATION "Ah, dear friend, need I say, but to the brim my heart was full! I made not vows, but vows were then made for me. Bond unknown to me was given, that I should be singing greatly, a dedicated spirit.And on I walked in blessedness which even yet remains."- Wordsworth Once the hero has successfully endured her "dark night of the soul," and has overcome his fear by facing the most frightening places within himself, a new energy begins to enter into places formerly occupied by the heavy weight of the struggle. It is now the time of being born again, a new life is discovered within each moment, and a renewed sense of freedom and exhilaration overtakes the hero. (S)he has found the inner treasure, discovered the new dream or vision for his life, and the hero offers thanks for the bounty that has been claimed. The hero has saved her own heart! It is a time of celebration and majesty, uncovering the uniquely Divine essence that lies within of each of us. These moments become etched in our consciousness forever, becoming ground for our future successes. It has been another great learning for me to appreciate the struggle required to tolerate immense joy. It had been my mistaken belief that only negative emotions were hard to tolerate. Pleasure can be so unbearable; celebrations serve as containers for such pleasurable emotions. I remain in awe of how deeply attached we are to our misery. Perhaps our lives are truly only as wonderful as we can stand them to be. I am most grateful for the many opportunities to develop tolerance for tremendous joy. I'll never forget the joyful sensations of returning to camp after my mountain solitude; the rush I received reading the sentence that said I had passed my licensing exam; the absolutely incredible pleasure of taking off into the setting sun on my first solo flight. The feeling of inner security that emerges when one obtains a sense of mastery in the world is the "treasure beyond all price." CROSSING THE THRESHOLD /RETURNING HOME "A man who has a vision is not able to use the power of it until after he has performed the vision on Earth for the people to see."- Black Elk The time of blessings and celebration must also pass, for the journey is not yet completed. The hero is still in the land of adventure, and the treasure has not yet been brought back to the world. Once again, there is likely to be some struggle as one passes through the threshold, and something again may need to be given up as a sacrifice as the hero returns to the world of ordinary time. The hero must leave the blissfulness of the newfound paradise, he does not cling to any part of the process. When the hero succeeds on the quest, there is often the desire to bring back something of great value to his or her community. Joseph Campbell states "what the shaman or seer brings forth is something that is waiting to be brought forth in everyone. So when one hears the seer's story, one responds, 'Ah! This is something that I had always wanted to say but wasn't able to say'."7 Ideally, those who have remained at home welcome the hero back and celebrate the successful quest. However, for many, the return home is the most difficult part of the journey. Here is where many heros burn up as they re-enter the earth's orbit in their expanded state of clarity and vision. For any dream or vision to have power, it must be put into the realm of action, which again requires discernment and courage. We have got to come up with better structures to help heroes integrate back into the worlds from which they originally departed. That said, I give you the medicine of Joseph Jastrab, one of my heart brothers who teaches and inspires me. Here is his blessing for the return home: "It was a holy purpose that brought you into these woods, and it is an equally holy purpose that returns you. For you are (ones) who have chosen to walk... a path with heart. It is a path that leads through heaven and hell with equal regard. Be not afraid of what you find in either realm...Fear may temporarily cause you to forget who you are, but there is nothing in the world that can rob you of your richness...stay attentive, and trust whatever comes. Living in your hearts, you are safe beyond the need for safety."8 To this aim, I am dedicated to revitalizing the notion of heroes in our everyday world. Some of my colleagues and I are presently developing the groundwork for a 30 day "home vision quest" in order to provide a sacred vessel for those who are at a threshold and are seeking a community based, spiritually nourishing transformation process. It will provide both a traditional and nontraditional container to help sustain the seeker through their change. This will begin to happen in the spring of 1996. I will also soon be offering experiential workshops on "the Hero's Journey." It is designed to give the spiritual pilgrim a taste of the fire of the spirit transformed, walking back and forth across the bridge between the physical and the spiritual planes. This is part of the ripening fruit born from the tree of my vision received during my Quest in the Adirondacks. In the end, I think we are all searching looking for a way from Here to There. I believe for each of us there is a Way, although never guaranteed. And there are guides and helpers along the Way, and we can be certain that what we pray for will be given. This makes it all the more important to be clear about how we choose and what we petition for. Dorothy Dooling crystallizes it beautifully: "What is important, finally, is to be in motion. Guide and goal, vital as they are to the journey, are secondary to the journey itself which is the most important thing of all... If truth is one... perhaps the only access point is at the source and center of oneself... (this) exacts from us an exercise both of courage and of discrimination that can be the beginning of our training for the starring role we were intended for."9 As I completed the last line, my daughter Sarah called out my name, awakened by a nightmare. She was worried that something bad had happened to me. I went to her, and as I reassured her that I was here and everything was okay, she held on to me as if her life depended on it. Quickly her fear left her, and she became joyfully alive, safe. Her arms wrapped around this larger-than-life-sized man: the tall, strong, present one she calls "father." How good to be on cue for the starring role I was intended for. It's very late now, and I go outside to look at the stars - my evening ritual. We live on a quiet, steep hill. I look out onto our front street, and I feel held in the dark womb of the night. This winter, I think I am going to buy a sled. Michael Mervosh is a psychologist in private practice in the East End of Pittsburgh. He is offering experiential workshops and weekend intensives on "The Hero's Journey". For more information, or to obtain a full length edition of this article, call (412) 363-1530. References1, 5, 9, - The Spirit of Quest; Dorothy Dooling; Parabola Books, NY 1994. 2, 6, 7 - The Power of Myth; Joseph Campbell; Anchor Books, Doubleday, NY 1988. 3, 4 - Riding the Dragon; Roselle Angwin; Element Books, MA 1994. 8 - Sacred Manhood, Sacred Earth; Joseph Jastrab; Harper Collins, Ny 1994. Heartfelt
Thanks to Will Heindel, Joseph Jastrab, Dean Ramsden and Tana Telleen.
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